by Scott Rosberg

This post is the second of a few that come from some ideas I wrote in my first two booklets A Head Coach’s Guide for Working with Assistants and The Assistant Coach’s Guide to Coaching. While those booklets were born out of some specific head coach/assistant coach issues I was facing with some members of a coaching staff for whom I was an athletic director, many of the ideas in them form the basis for good coaching principles in general. Today, I want to talk about the three messages that occur anytime we communicate with people.

As an English teacher for 18 years, I tried to teach my students many facets of good communication. Interestingly, most of the lessons on communication that I taught played a huge role not only in the classroom, but also in the athletic arena and elsewhere in life. One important lesson is that whenever we communicate with others, we need to be aware of three types of messages – Intended, Actual, and Received/Perceived Messages.

Intended Message

Every time we speak to someone, we start with a certain premise in mind that we are trying to advance. This goes for everything that we state to someone. Each time we speak we have what I call an “Intended Message.” Our intended message is what we are trying to get across to the listener. While we speak in conversations, every single utterance of ours has some intention that we are hoping to get across.

However, what we intend to communicate and what we “actually” communicate are not always the same thing. I may have a certain idea I am trying to get across to someone, but I may struggle to put into words exactly how to get that message across. Or the receiver of the message may miss out on some key element that is really important to fully understanding the message. Something may have interrupted the smooth flow of my intention and what was actually communicated.

Actual Message

This leads to the second type of message, the “Actual Message.” The actual message is what was actually stated. It is the words, phrases, and sentences that come out of the speaker’s mouth to try to communicate a given message to an audience. While this is a fairly simple concept to explain and understand, the problems in communication usually end up happening somewhere from this point forward into the next type of message.

Received/Perceived Message

The final type of message in communication is the “Received/Perceived Message.” This is the message that the audience takes in and then interprets. The Received/Perceived message is in some ways the most important message, for it is what determines whether or not the audience understands the speaker. It is in the Received/Perceived Message where we find out if our intended message actually hit home. Unfortunately, the speaker doesn’t always receive the feedback as to whether or not it did. This is often where problems occur in relationships – when an intended message does not actually end up being the received message. But how does this happen, and how can we work to avoid it? Also, what does this have to do with athletics?

Let me start with the last question first. This has a lot to do with athletics, for athletics is a relationship and communication endeavor. There is constant communication that is happening in the athletic world. Teams rely on clear communication to succeed. If people on a team do not understand each other, no progress can be made. So it helps to have a basic understanding of how communication works in order to achieve success.

So where does communication break down between the intended and the received message? Well, it can occur in a variety of places. It can occur in the intended message if the speaker is not completely certain of the message s/he is trying to get across, or if s/he isn’t sure of the best way to get that message across to the audience. For example, if I am an assistant coach, and the head coach wants me to communicate something to a player or players, I may not fully understand all of his/her intentions  with regards to the message, so I may struggle getting the message the head coach wants to be received properly by the players.

The next place the message can break down is in the actual message stage. One would think this would not be an area where a breakdown could occur. If you just say what needs to be said, there should be no problem here. However, just “saying what needs to be said” and actually saying it that way can be two different things.

For example, if my intention is to confront a player’s behavior that is unacceptable in our program, but I struggle with confrontation, I may mess up my intention by not clearly stating what the problem is. What I “actually” say and what I “intended” to say may have been different. I may have needed to be very direct, strong, and to the point, but because I do not like confronting in this manner, I may have softened my message to a point where the player did not realize the exact message and that what s/he was being told was a very big thing. What was actually said did not convey the severity and seriousness that the intention of my message demanded. This can lead to confusion and misunderstanding on the part of the player.

Finally, the message can break down in the “receive/perceive” stage. I may have had the right intention and said exactly what needed to be said, but the receiver may have been distracted or may have had a preconceived notion about me or about my message, and so s/he did not clearly understand the message. S/He is not a blank piece of paper onto which a message is written. S/He is a human being with her/his own thoughts, feelings, emotions, and ideas, and those all impact the messages s/he receives. S/he is reading my body language, tone of voice, inflection, past history with me, and any other number of things that affect how s/he processes the message. S/He may even “receive” the actual message, but s/he may “perceive” it differently due to some of those types of factors.

What Can We Do?

So what can we do to maximize the chances that our intended message ends up being our audience’s received/perceived message? The first thing is to recognize this dynamic of the difference between these three types of messages. Then as a speaker, make sure you consider exactly what you are trying to get across and then speak that message as clearly as possible.

Brevity and conciseness are important parts of communicating in athletics. We don’t always have time to go into much detail due to time and space constraints in an athletic arena, so this can often lead to breakdowns in communication. Coming up with a “common language and vocabulary” to use when coaching so all people understand the message better is an important step in keeping communications clear.

While brevity and conciseness are important in communicating in athletics, there are some times and situations where you may need to explain things in more detail to make sure that they “get it.” This just happened with this post that you are reading – my goal is to be in the 800-1,000 word range for these posts. However, this post demanded a bit more detail to explain it, so it is about 1,500 words.

Also, consider what type of message you are sending with your body language, tone of voice, and inflection as you speak. Are your actions backing up the exact words you are stating and how you want them to come across? Is the person to whom you are speaking picking up on these non-verbals? Are your non-verbals communicating what you want them to communicate?

When you are the receiver of a message, pay as close attention as you can to what you are being told. Consider body language, tone and inflection, but also make sure you focus on the words being spoken to you. Also, consider your own state of mind and biases as you are processing what you are hearing. Try to be as objective as possible as you process, so that you don’t perceive something that isn’t really there. Finally, ask clarifying questions to help you figure out if you are receiving the right message. Make sure to truly listen to the answers you get.

Coaching/teaching is communicating. The more you know about communication skills and how to use them, the better your chances of success as a coach/teacher occurring. If you have any stories of times when your intended message somehow got sidetracked by the time it got to be the received/perceived message of your audience, I would love hear them. Please leave your comment below this post on our website or on our Facebook page.

About the Author of this Article

Scott Rosberg has been a coach (basketball, soccer, & football) at the high school level for 30 years, an English teacher for 18 years, and an athletic director for 12 years. He has published seven booklets on coaching and youth/school athletics, two books of inspirational messages and quotes for graduates, and a newsletter for athletic directors and coaches. He also speaks to schools, teams, and businesses on a variety of team-building, leadership, and coaching topics. Scott has a blog and a variety of other materials about coaching and athletic topics on his website – www.coachwithcharacter.com. He can be reached by email at [email protected].

Scott is also a member of the Proactive Coaching speaking team. Proactive Coaching is dedicated to helping organizations create character and education-based team cultures, while providing a blueprint for team leadership. They help develop confident, tough-minded, fearless competitors and train coaches and leaders for excellence and significance. Proactive Coaching can be found on the web at www.proactivecoaching.info. Also, you can join the 200,000+ people who have “Liked” Proactive Coaching’s Facebook page at www.facebook.com/proactivecoach. Scott can also be reached through Proactive Coaching at [email protected].

This is the second part of an article from University of Washington women’s Head Coach Mike Neighbors. Here is a link to the first part of the article: Are you as tough as you want your athletes to be?

TOUGH coaches are VISIBLE
TOUGH coaches are accessible. They don’t hide out in their office. They don’t barricade themselves in a locker room. They are seen.

We have all been witness to coaches who grab the microphone to celebrate with a jubilant crowd following a big win only to see the same coach escape the nearest exit to never be seen again that night following a tough loss.

TOUGH coaches are visible win or lose.
TOUGH coaches lead from the front.

This one works rather counter-intuitively. You should actually be MORE visible when your team is struggling. You should be the first at practice to show your players you are in it with them. You should be LESS visible following that big win, big play, or winning streak.

Remember Jim Valvano running around the court looking for someone to hug following their National Championship win? Your athletes don’t need you then. They need you when they are struggling.

TOUGH coaches are afraid of no news more than bad News

TOUGH coaches seek out information. They want to be aware. They want to be told first and don’t want to be surprised by someone outside their program on issues inside their program.

Athletes must trust their coach to handle bad news. If they trust you to handle bad news, they are more willing to share it. If you blast them the first time they do, you can bet they will be reluctant to do it again.

A tough coach can handle the truth (there is my Few Good Men mandatory reference).

If you handle bad news early in a season with a team or early in the career of an athlete, you will build trust that lasts forever. Betray that trust and you may never hear the whole truth and nothing but the truth again.

We have experienced situations growing up where we were told it was better to tell the truth than lie only to be harshly punished for actually telling the truth.

It is a fine line, but one you must walk masterfully to be TOUGH.

TOUGH coaches surround themselves with people smarter than them

TOUGH coaches are not threatened by people smarter than they are. In fact, they seek them out and surround themselves with them. This is one of the easiest TOUGHNESS qualities to spot. If the head coach is the only person that ever talks in a huddle, they probably have not done this. If the head coach is the only person that has a voice in practice, they probably have not done this.

Coaches with TOUGHNESS understand that having smart people surrounding them produces a multiplying effect rather than adding effect. These smarter people provide vital information that then allows the experience of the head coach to take over. These smart people supply the head coach with knowledge they have that the head coach can then turn into actionable tactics.

Smarts can also be substituted for talent or skilled.

TOUGH coaches that have this environment are free of time consuming details that can easily bog down a program. TOUGH coaches can focus on the most important 20% of things and allow the talented people they have surrounded themselves with to focus on the other 80%.

TOUGH coaches adapt to times without compromising core values

TOUGH coaches are facing their greatest challenges in this area. The iY Generation is the first to attend 12 years of schooling in a world that did not require a teacher/coach to provide them with information…they have always had access and the know how to use the Internet.

Technology has changed and continues to change at a rapid rate. The second I got proficient at Facebook, here comes Twitter, then Instagram, and SnapChat, and…

The iY Generation is also the most entitled generation of all-time. It’s not their fault we have made the choice to give everyone a ribbon just for showing up. It’s not their fault cuts from teams weren’t allowed until high school (if ever). It’s not their fault that so many rules are in place for them regarding equal playing time and fairness to all who sign up that they no ZERO ZERO ZERO experience with dealing in adverse conditions. Few of them have ever been given the authority to be a leader. Fewer of them were allowed to fail without a parent or loved one stepping in to fight for equality.

But the fact is, that is who we coach and are starting to hire in the work force.

TOUGH coaches have found a way to adapt without compromising their core values. The stubborn old “my way or the highway” coaches have been replaced by the leaders who can still hold their players accountable to the time proven values that equal success.

Some would argue that some of the TOUGHEST coaches of all-time would have a difficult time coaching in today’s world. While there is plenty of evidence and examples of tough minded coaches who have fallen from grace, I disagree. The TOUGHEST would have adapted. It’s the weak coaches that refused to adapt that ultimately found themselves doing something other than coaching.

TOUGH coaches routinely mentor “over achievers”

TOUGH coaches consistently have athletes that leave their program much better than they entered it. A TOUGH coach has mastered the skills it takes to push a player beyond the limits that the player has set for themselves.

The TOUGHEST coaches do it year in and year out. And it’s not an accident. And it’s not a coincidence when it happens at the same school repeatedly. (Keeping the coach there becomes the tough part for administration however).

TOUGH coaches can help their players through adverse situations that over achievers must overcome to be successful.

When a TOUGH coach meets a TOUGH player great things are possible.

TOUGH coaches get the most of practice time

Every coach on the face of the earth as 24 hours a day and 365 days per year to coach their team. It is the only commodity that we have equality in. The richest school district or athletic department may have nicer uniforms or a fancier gymnasium, but they can’t buy more time.

TOUGH coaches use this commodity especially well when it comes to their practice time. There is no wasted time. There are no wasted movements. There is a plan.

Those plans may vary widely. I have seen 1000s of practices and none of them have ever been exactly the same.

The actual time factor can also vary widely. Some coaches may use three hours while others may only use half that. Regardless of the actual time utilized, the results are consistent.

This article was written by Mike Neighbors from the University of Arkansas.

Are you as TOUGH as you Want your Athletes to be?

I am personally guilty of almost every example that I am about to point out. At one point and time, I had to learn the hard way. I don’t claim that this is an exhaustive list.

Many coaches throw the word “Toughness” around to athletes as a cliché. It is a buzz word. And in many instances that those coaches were urging their athletes to be more tough, the coach themselves were NOT being very tough.

But we can be TOUGH. We must be TOUGH if we demand it of our athletes.

So with the help of some coaching buddies, we began a list of what makes a coach TOUGH. Not tough to play for. Not tough to deal with. But things that would be consistent with those things we demand of our athletes. This is a work in progress.

TOUGH coaches CONFRONT

It takes energy and effort to confront… a great deal of both in fact. The tough coaches never exhaust themselves of the energy needed to consistently confront and hold people accountable. When someone or something challenges the culture of their program, a tough coach stands up for what they hold true. They do it consistently and they do it tirelessly.

Coaches who have toughness confront any athlete who falls below the standards they have set in their program.

If you exhaust yourself of the energy to confront, then you are “allowing things in your program” rather than “coaching them”.

You must have (or find) the energy every single time something challenges the fabric of your culture. If you don’t, no one else will. If you do, everyone else will.

When confronted with parental concerns, a tough coach listens and explains their view point.

TOUGH coaches are DECISION SAVVY

Tough coaches know that making the hard decision is what separates the good from the great. Head Coaches make hundreds of decisions a week concerning every aspect of their program. They don’t delegate the difficult ones down the chain of command. They make them and then they stand behind them.

Experience has taught them how to make them with the best interest of the team AND the best interest of the athlete all at the same time. More often than not, it’s the coach who struggles the most with these decisions. They feel the weight of deciding something that impacts so many people in so many ways. It can be paralyzing. It can be overwhelming.

Many coaches confide that this responsibility has led to burnout and can ultimately drive you from the profession all together if you don’t develop toughness.

Avoidance of decision making is even worse than making the wrong decision in many instances.

The toughest of the tough actually embrace it. It’s these coaches who make the proper decision more often than not.

TOUGH coaches expect mistakes, but don’t except Excuses

TOUGH coaches know their athletes are going to make mistakes. They know they are going to fail from time to time. They know this because they know they are going to put them in situations to fail. They are going to create scenarios designed to push them beyond their comfort zones.

TOUGH coaches know mistakes lead to improvement. They teach through lessons.

Wayne Gretzky routinely tripped over his own skates because he pushed himself to go harder in drills than his coaches demanded.

While the TOUGH coaches expect these mistakes, they do NOT except excuses for them. They deal with excuses swiftly and severely.

Tough coaches know the difference between a reason and an excuse.

Tough coaches use mistakes to help a person grow.

Tough coaches teach without the person even knowing they are being taught.

TOUGH coaches understand NEXT PLAY Mentality

Do we move on or do we replay every mistake in the next timeout, then at half time, then in post game, then the next day in film room, then the next 10 times it happens?

Do we hold grudges when dealing with discipline issues? If you do, then take NEXT PLAY out of your coaching vocabulary.

Obviously there are aspects of our job and this profession that accumulation of actions must warrant consequences, but if you want athletes to move on to the Next Play, you had better coach this way.

TOUGH coaches actions are aligned with standards

“Do as I say, not as I do” mentality is dead to the iY Generation of athletes today. When presented with a situation that conflicts between what they see you do and what they hear you say, 99.999999% of the time they will believe what they see.

The alignment you have in your program between TALK/ACTIONS will be directly proportional to how your athletes balance their TALK/ACTIONS.

When a coach demands something of a program or someone in it that is out of alignment with a coach’s actions, frustration sets in quickly. That will turn to disengagement and total withdrawal the moment adversity hits.

A TOUGH coach has alignment in this area.

Athletes, fans, and administrators believe what they see more than what they hear. If you want a TOUGHNESS in your program your actions better be worth watching.

TOUGH coaches take no credit for wins and deflect blame in loss

TOUGH coaches don’t need pats on the back after a win. My PaPa Neighbors always said,” If you want someone to clap for you, be a musician or a magician… don’t be a coach.”

Coaches with toughness recognize the efforts of their athletes and their team in victory. In defeat, they deflect the blame from those same people.

You don’t have to be that coach that takes total blame every game. That grows old fast too and simply isn’t believable. It may also be out of alignment with your program’s culture on truth and honesty. You can be honest and truthful in private…not in public.

TOUGH coaches never allow anyone outside their program to attack someone within it.

The best way to do this at times is actually another sign of TOUGHNESS…give the other team the credit for the victory.

The TOUGHEST coaches learn to balance these situations. They learn to use these situations to their advantage.

When coaches do this, their athletes will do the same.

If you have this ingrained in your team culture, it will be obvious that in public each member has each others’ back. It will allow them to deal with adversity in private and keep team issues within the locker room. We have all seen great teams derailed by team issues that become public.

This is old enough that it is written in the masculine gender. Certainly, it applies to both men and women who coach…

It applies to coaches of all levels and all sports.  I think we can all relate to it in some way.

This was written by Bill Libby as the preface to his book “The Coaches.”

He is called “coach” in most sports. He is called the “manager” in baseball. He is the field leader or the court leader or the ice leader — the man on the bench or on the sidelines who practices his team, decides who will play, and guides them in action. He may have assistants to help him. But he alone is responsible for how his team performs. The coach may be the general manager, too, though most often he has a general manager over him in the front office as well as other executives, owners, and perhaps even stockholders who may try to tell him what to do and to whom he is held accountable. And he is in a way accountable to his players and to the writers and the broadcasters and the fans, too, for they usually have some say as to whether or not he keeps his job.

The coach seldom keeps his job for long. It is a difficult job, and there is no clear way to succeed in it. One cannot copy another who is a winner, for there seems to be some subtle, secret chemistry of personality that enables a person to lead successfully, and no one really knows what it is. Those who have succeeded and those who have failed represent all kinds — young and old, inexperienced and experienced, hard and soft, tough and gentle, good-natured and foul-tempered, proud and profane, articulate and inarticulate, even dedicated and casual. Most are dedicated, some more than others, but dedication alone is not enough. Some are smarter than others, but intelligence is not enough. All want to win, but some want to win more than others, and just wanting is not enough in any event. Even winning is often not enough. Losers almost always get fired, but winners get fired, too.

The better coaches may win more often than the poorer ones, all other things being equal, but all other things never are equal. The coach or manager is at the mercy of the talents and temperaments of his players and the judgments and moods of his bosses. He may have some voice in selecting the players he leads or he may not. He may have as good a chance to get top players as the next coach or manager, or he may not. He is in charge of up to one hundred performers, and he must lead them through up to two hundred contests a season. He is out in the open being judged publicly almost every day or night for six, seven, or eight months a year by those who may or may not be qualified to judge him. And every victory and every defeat is recorded constantly in print or on the air and periodically totaled up.

The coach has no place to hide. He cannot just let the job go for a while or do a bad job and assume no one will notice as most of us can. He cannot satisfy everyone. Seldom can he even satisfy very many. Rarely can he even satisfy himself. If he wins once, he must win the next time, too. In the end, almost certainly, he will be fired.

Usually he can get another job — coaching or managing another team. It is the only profession in which there is no stigma attached to being fired. It is said that coaches are hired to be fired. It is accepted as though it were right. So coaches move from team to team staying as long as they can hang on, winning some, losing some, succeeding sometimes, failing sometimes in a madness laughingly called “musical chairs.” They plot victories, suffer defeats, endure criticism from within and without, and brook rumors that they are on their way in here or out there. They neglect their families, travel endlessly, and live alone in a spotlight surrounded by others.

Theirs may be the worst profession — unreasonably demanding and insecure and lull of unrelenting pressures. Why do they put up with it? Why do they do it? A few retire, but most hang on desperately, almost unreasoningly. Why? Having seen them hired and hailed as geniuses at gaudy party-like press conferences and having seen them fired with pat phrases such as “fool” or “incompetent,” I have wondered about them. Having seen them exultant in victory and depressed by defeat, I have sympathized with them. Having seen some broken by the job and others die from it, I have been moved to write this book. . . .

You can read more from this book by clicking the cover above and to the left and then arriving at Amazon.com then click on the cover where it says “Look Inside.”

One of my favorite coaches to study for my own improvement and the improvement of our program is Kevin Eastman. In addition to speaking to coaches, he is also a sought after speaker in the business world. This post contains some bullet point notes that I have taken from him over the past several years.

As you think about ways to improve your program, I hope that you can apply at least a few of these to improving both your coaching staff and your athletes.

Success lies in the simplicity. Confusion lies in the sophistication.
Encourages athletes to have big eyes, big ears, and a small mouth.
Asks as many purposeful questions anytime he has an opportunity to learn from anyone. “I already know what I know. I don’t know enough. I need to know what you know.”

Be on a mission every day to seek and find new information that will make you a better coach and leader. Then take the time to think deeply about how you can immediately apply your new knowledge to your job.

Be so prepared as a coach that you have the answers before your athletes ask.

7 things he makes the tine to do daily

1) Read for 2 hours on his sport and leadership
2) Spend time in sustained thought focused on improving
3) Plan/Organize how to apply those thoughts
4) Work out
5) Do his job
6) Daily family time
7) Get adequate sleep

Become a learn it all, not a know it all
Be a great question asker
Become a meticulous note taker and organize them to help you be better
Working hard should be a given for everyone in the program. It is the price of admission
To get ahead, do the unrequired work that makes a difference.

No job is too big, no job is too small.
Figure out what you don’t know, then figure out a way to learn it and apply it to improve your team

Make a total commitment to un-distracted thinking time every day.

Seek wisdom from those who came before you.

Wants his athletes to develop an “improvement” stamina, a development discipline that can stand the test of the greatness grind every day…

Mad, Sad, Hard–get over all of those!

The best organizations don’t just see teamwork as an internal necessity; they understand customers/vendors/fans, etc are vital teammates too!

We have all heard “seeing is believing”: so much application to leadership. To get your team to believe they have to see that you believe!

Letting your people know not only that you value them but also letting them know what you value in them gives everyone more confidence/enthusiasm!

A team is a variety of talents, attitudes, and commitments. The leader has to be able to reach them all and get the best out of them!

Best way to get your job done well: 1) Define your job. 2) Do your job. 3) Finish your job. 4) Evaluate your job. Lastly: make adjustments & repeat!

Leadership question. Do you raise the level of your team or maintain it? Constantly evaluate & improve!

Reminder to us all: the circles we travel in have tremendous bearing on how we think; how we view things; and how we make choices. Be careful! We become like the 5 people that we spend the most time with.

Think about changing your mindset by changing your words. For me “problems” have become “challenges” & “competitions” to see if I can solve them!

Two groups you must pay 100% attention to: 1) the group of people (your circle) you travel in; 2) the group of thoughts you allow into your mind!

“Getting there” requires you first to “get in”. Get in the fight. Get in the hours. Get in the work. Get in the study. Get in the mindset!

What you put on paper is most powerful when you put it in front of you on a daily basis. Seeing it makes it become a part of you every day.

What matters most must be taken care of the most. This certainly goes for family but should also apply to it life & career. Self audit this!

Leadership comes with just as many difficult situations as it does with fulfilling moments. You must sign up for both!